Satire 'News' Stories - Eastbourne, East Sussex
Section
Satirical news covering Eastbourne and Sussex councils, planning, parking, consultations, roadworks and local government.
14 published stories
A brief period of calm in Eastbourne town centre has reportedly left council officials “deeply concerned”, after residents discovered there were temporarily no roadworks taking place. Emergency measures are now said to b…
Officials say groundbreaking technology will finally eliminate the outdated practice of looking out of a window.
Fictional councillor says years of looking out to sea have provided “all the evidence anyone should reasonably need.”
Officials hope 94-question online survey will finally reveal why public engagement remains mysteriously low.
Officials celebrate dramatic reduction in road defects after changing definition instead of repairing anything.
Disaster narrowly avoided after councillor successfully delays agreement until somebody can produce another report.
Officials investigating how plain English bypassed normal procedures and reached member of public completely unchallenged.
New authority will cover almost all of East Sussex in ambitious plan to make finding out who collects your bins significantly more exciting.
Officials say new seating forms part of ambitious strategy to ensure residents are "sitting towards the future".
Residents could be fined for stopping suddenly outside shops or walking four-abreast at 0.3mph.
Officials say answering individually was becoming "administratively unsustainable".
A further sign explaining the new sign is expected next month.
Consultation to determine whether the word "pier" remains fit for purpose.
Residents urged to "have their say" by completing a 186-page survey on the future of public surveys.