East Sussex Council Unveils £280,000 Digital App To Tell Residents Whether It Is Currently Raining

By Derek Pebbles, Sussex Correspondent

SUSSEX — A fictional Sussex council has unveiled an ambitious £280,000 smartphone app designed to tell residents whether it is currently raining outside.

The revolutionary Is It Raining? Sussex service uses advanced technology to provide one of three real-time updates:

YES.

NO.

SORT OF.

Officials say the project will modernise how residents discover they've left home wearing completely the wrong clothes.

Years Of Research

The app reportedly follows an 18-month development programme involving consultants, workshops and extensive research into rain.

"We discovered residents were still physically approaching windows and looking through them," a fictional project spokesperson explained.

"That isn't the kind of Sussex we want to see going forward."

Nobody knew what this meant.

Premium Features Planned

A future £1.99 monthly subscription could unlock additional alerts including Bit Windy, Coat Recommended and Don't Put The Washing Out.

Developers are also testing technology capable of detecting when somebody says:

"Looks like it's brightening up."

The app will then immediately issue a heavy rain warning.

Testing across Sussex has achieved almost 100% accuracy.

Residents Test New Technology

One resident downloaded the app during Wednesday's launch.

"It says sunny," she said.

Rain hammered against the window behind her.

Officials explained there may occasionally be a slight delay.

Seven minutes later, the app updated.

SORT OF.

More Innovation Coming

Despite early difficulties, the project has been declared a success.

Officials are reportedly considering spending another £190,000 developing an app that tells Sussex residents whether it is windy.

Residents have suggested opening the front door.

Consultants have described this proposal as "dangerously affordable."