The Seagull Times
About us
Last updated 8 August 2026
About The Seagull Times
The Seagull Times is Eastbourne and Sussex's home of local satire, delivering the stories nobody asked for but everybody deserves to read.
From council chaos and questionable local decisions to seaside life, Sussex rivalries and the latest criminal activity from our increasingly confident seagull population, we report on the important issues affecting our corner of the coast.
Everything you read here is satire. Probably.
Local Nonsense. Serious Journalism.
The Seagull Times was created to take a slightly less serious look at life in Eastbourne and across Sussex.
We take the familiar things that make our part of the country what it is — councils, potholes, parking, tourists, the seafront, local rivalries, questionable weather and extremely confident wildlife — and give them the attention they clearly deserve.
Our stories are written in the style of a traditional local newspaper, with one relatively important difference: they're satire.
Articles may be inspired by familiar places, everyday experiences and the peculiarities of living on the Sussex coast, but stories, quotations and characters may be exaggerated, fictional or completely invented for entertainment.
What We Cover
Unlike publications attempting to explain everything happening across Britain and the rest of the world, we're quite happy staying down here.
Our coverage is focused on Eastbourne, the surrounding area and Sussex.
Council Watch
Following every consultation, committee meeting, parking scheme and questionable council decision across Eastbourne and Sussex — particularly those requiring another consultation.
Local
Satirical local news from Eastbourne and the surrounding area, covering the people, places and everyday situations that make life on the Sunshine Coast what it is.
Sussex
Satirical stories from across Sussex, including Brighton, Lewes, Hastings and everywhere unfortunate enough to find itself within reporting distance of our newsroom.
The Squawk
Dedicated coverage of Eastbourne's most persistent residents.
Chip thefts, territorial disputes, bakery surveillance and increasingly sophisticated organised gull activity are investigated by our specialist correspondents whenever it is considered safe to do so.
Our Newsroom
The Seagull Times is produced by a small and questionably qualified newsroom committed to covering the stories that really matter to Eastbourne and Sussex.
Our correspondents include Barry Beakman, covering local developments across Eastbourne, and Sally Squawks, our specialist correspondent responsible for monitoring the activities of the area's seagull population.
Editorial operations are overseen by Robin Sheffield, Editor of The Seagull Times.
Together, the newsroom remains committed to the highest standards of completely unnecessary local journalism.
Is Any Of This Actually Real?
Generally speaking: no.
The Seagull Times is a satirical publication. Our articles are created for humour and entertainment and should not be treated as factual news reporting.
We may reference real locations, councils, organisations, landmarks or public figures as part of our satire. Quotations, events, characters and circumstances appearing within articles may be fictional, exaggerated or invented entirely.
If you've arrived here after seeing one of our headlines shared on social media and are currently furious about something Eastbourne Borough Council apparently spent £4.2 million on, we'd strongly recommend checking the article again before writing your Facebook post.
Get In Touch
Got a story idea? Spotted something ridiculous happening locally? Have evidence that Eastbourne's seagulls are becoming organised?
We'd like to hear about it.
Newsroom & Story Tips
newsroom@theseagulltimes.co.uk
Editorial Enquiries
editor@theseagulltimes.co.uk
For legal matters, corrections, complaints or concerns about something published on The Seagull Times, please contact the Editor using the address above.
The Seagull Times — reporting the stories that matter across Eastbourne and Sussex, whether they happened or not.