Eastbourne Councillor Claims World Is Flat After ‘Never Once Seeing A Curve From Beachy Head’

By Robin Sheffield, Editor

EASTBOURNE — A fictional Eastbourne councillor has stunned colleagues by announcing that the Earth is flat, citing extensive personal research conducted while standing near Beachy Head and "having a proper look."

Councillor Malcolm Pritchard reportedly reached the conclusion after staring at the horizon for approximately six minutes.

"Look at it," he told colleagues.

"It's straight."

When reminded that Earth is considerably larger than Eastbourne, Pritchard accused officials of "changing the subject."

Council Meeting Deteriorates

The issue reportedly emerged during an otherwise routine discussion about local transport.

Within fifteen minutes, Pritchard had produced several diagrams, two screenshots from social media and a photograph of the English Channel taken on his phone.

"Where's the curve?" he repeatedly demanded.

Another councillor attempted to explain planetary scale.

Pritchard responded by placing a spirit level on the meeting-room table.

"Exactly."

Nobody knew what had just been proven.

Australia Raises Questions

Problems emerged when colleagues asked Pritchard to explain Australia.

He described the country as "complicated."

Satellites were dismissed as "very expensive cameras."

Gravity was described as "a theory that's got completely out of hand."

He did, however, accept the existence of France because he claimed to have seen it once on a particularly clear day.

Investigation Continues

Pritchard now intends to conduct further research from Eastbourne Pier using binoculars and a packed lunch.

He remains confident the truth will eventually emerge.

"If the Earth is a globe, why don't people at the bottom fall off?"

A colleague began explaining gravity.

Pritchard interrupted.

"Here we go again."

The meeting eventually returned to transport after officials discovered something everyone could agree on.

Parking is definitely real.