Satire 'News' Stories - Eastbourne, East Sussex
The Archive
The latest satire, parody and local nonsense from Eastbourne and across East Sussex.
88 published stories
Residents monitor unfamiliar vehicle from behind curtains as emergency WhatsApp group receives 47 messages in under six minutes.
Local research confirms every ten-minute errand eventually involves coffee, an unnecessary purchase and somebody you haven't seen since 2014.
Lifelong resident enjoyed Eastbourne for almost ten uninterrupted minutes without mentioning parking, empty shops or how much better everything was in 1987.
Victim says second visit was unnecessary, disrespectful and “felt extremely personal.”
Local resident says information will be passed down only when he dies and warns relatives not to follow him.
Officials hope 94-question online survey will finally reveal why public engagement remains mysteriously low.
Residents warned to check identification after several suspicious delivery riders found to have wings and absolutely no bicycle.
New nation immediately introduces its own currency backed entirely by sourdough and locally produced chutney.
Officials celebrate dramatic reduction in road defects after changing definition instead of repairing anything.
Whistleblower alleges generations of Eastbourne’s most powerful gulls have secretly divided the seafront between them.
Disaster narrowly avoided after councillor successfully delays agreement until somebody can produce another report.
Centuries of seaside rivalry temporarily suspended after both towns discover Brighton has somehow made it about itself again.