Eastbourne, East Sussex · Entirely Questionable

The Seagull Times

Satire 'News' Stories - Eastbourne, East Sussex

The Squawk

Seafront Cafe Forced To Ask Customers To Stop Feeding Chips To Seagulls "For A Laugh"

Birds now refusing anything below restaurant quality.

Seafront Cafe Forced To Ask Customers To Stop Feeding Chips To Seagulls "For A Laugh"
1 min Reading 1 Section

EASTBOURNE — A café on Eastbourne's seafront has issued a polite notice asking customers to stop deliberately feeding chips to seagulls after the birds reportedly began "expecting table service."

Staff say what started as the occasional tourist throwing a chip into the air has escalated into organised feeding sessions involving entire families.

"As soon as one person does it, another twenty think it's hilarious," said café owner Lisa Morgan.

"Five minutes later we've got forty seagulls circling the terrace like they're waiting for EasyJet."

The birds have become noticeably more demanding.

"They won't even touch cold chips anymore," one waiter claimed.

"If they're not properly salted, they just stare at you."

Local seagull expert Alan Reeves said the birds have become "remarkably confident."

"They've worked out tourists are easier to intimidate than locals."

Eastbourne resident Carol Briggs agreed.

"If a seagull flies towards me, I ignore it."

"If it flies towards someone wearing a 'Kiss Me Quick' hat, I know lunch is about to happen."

The café has since introduced signs asking customers not to feed wildlife.

The signs have been ignored by both tourists and the seagulls.

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