Hastings Man Claims Eastbourne Is 'Too Posh', Eastbourne Man Responds By Pointing At Hastings

By Derek Pebbles, Sussex Correspondent

EAST SUSSEX — Relations between Hastings and Eastbourne have reached a new low after a Hastings man accused Eastbourne of being "a bit too posh", prompting an Eastbourne resident to respond by silently pointing in the general direction of Hastings.

The exchange occurred during a conversation between the two men about which East Sussex seaside town was better.

"It all feels a bit posh over there," said Hastings resident Darren Morris.

Eastbourne resident Graham Collins considered his response carefully.

He then raised his arm and pointed east.

No further explanation was provided.

Witnesses described the comeback as "absolutely devastating."

Hastings Demands Explanation

Darren immediately demanded to know what Graham meant.

"You know exactly what I mean," Graham replied.

Darren did not.

Or claimed not to.

He defended Hastings by highlighting its historic Old Town, independent businesses, fishing heritage and cultural scene.

Graham listened politely.

Then pointed again.

This reportedly made things worse.

Eastbourne Accused Of Showing Off

Hastings residents have long suspected Eastbourne of taking itself slightly too seriously.

Evidence presented includes manicured gardens, grand seafront hotels and the fact that Eastbourne occasionally uses the word "promenade" instead of pavement.

"Look at the hotels," Darren said.

"Look at the flowerbeds."

"Look at Beachy Head."

Graham objected to the final example.

"We didn't build the cliffs."

"Still showing off with them."

Eastbourne Launches Counterattack

Eastbourne residents responded by describing Hastings as "lovely, actually."

Experts immediately recognised this as an escalation.

In Sussex terminology, describing a neighbouring town as "lovely, actually" can mean almost anything.

Graham clarified his position.

"I like Hastings."

"Great place for a day out."

Darren narrowed his eyes.

"A day out?"

Tensions increased significantly.

Bexhill Asked To Mediate

Bexhill was once again asked to intervene due to its unfortunate position between the two towns.

Residents refused.

"We're staying out of it," said one.

"Every time these two start arguing, somehow we get dragged in."

Bexhill has instead advised both sides to concentrate on their own seafronts.

This sensible suggestion was ignored.

Peace Eventually Restored

After twenty minutes of increasingly pointless debate, both men eventually admitted they regularly visit each other's towns.

Darren conceded that Eastbourne has "a decent seafront."

Graham admitted Hastings Old Town is "actually quite nice."

Neither statement was made comfortably.

The men shook hands.

Peace had returned to East Sussex.

It lasted approximately thirty seconds.

Darren then asked:

"Still don't understand why anyone would choose pebbles over sand though."

Graham slowly raised his arm.

He pointed towards Hastings again.

Negotiations have been suspended indefinitely.