Eastbourne Seagulls Demand Airbourne Display Slot After Claiming They've Been Flying Here All Year

By Sally Squawks, Seagull Affairs Correspondent

EASTBOURNE — Eastbourne's seagulls have demanded their own official Airbourne display slot after complaining that visiting aircraft are receiving praise for "doing what we've been doing every day since January."

The dispute began on Thursday morning when several gulls were reportedly seen gathering on rooftops overlooking the seafront shortly before the first flying displays.

Representatives for the birds later released a statement describing Airbourne's current programme as "heavily biased towards aircraft."

"We fly over Eastbourne 365 days a year," a gull spokesperson said.

"We perform low passes, formation flying and precision food retrieval in significantly worse conditions.

"Nobody claps."

Birds Propose Own Display

The gulls are reportedly seeking a 20-minute afternoon slot provisionally titled The Eastbourne Herring Gull Tactical Display Team.

Proposed manoeuvres include the Vertical Chip Interception, Synchronised Bin Raid and a high-speed formation known simply as "Tourist With Sandwich."

Organisers have not confirmed whether the application will be considered.

The birds have threatened to perform regardless.

Concerns Over Airspace

Sally Squawks understands negotiations deteriorated after gull representatives demanded exclusive access to the airspace immediately above the promenade during lunchtime.

They also requested six trays of chips in place of an appearance fee.

One local resident supported their bid.

"To be fair, I've seen one of them take half a sausage roll out of someone's hand at full speed," he said.

"That's probably harder than some of the manoeuvres."

Others expressed concern.

"We absolutely should not encourage them," said another resident.

"They're confident enough already."

At the time of publication, approximately 30 gulls had gathered near the seafront.

Representatives insisted this was not an unauthorised display.

"It's a rehearsal," they said.

Minutes later, one bird performed a low-level pass over a family eating chips.

There were no survivors among the chips.