Eastbourne Residents Demand Airbourne Aircraft Come Back After Realising There's Nothing To Look At Anymore

By Barry Beakman, Senior Local Correspondent

EASTBOURNE — Residents have demanded the immediate return of Airbourne after discovering that Eastbourne's sky has become almost completely pointless since the annual airshow ended.

Thousands of people spent four days watching aircraft perform above the seafront during Airbourne.

Now they're just looking at clouds.

Residents say the transition has been difficult.

"I came down the seafront this morning out of habit," said Graham Morris.

"I looked up."

"Nothing."

He remained there for another twenty minutes just in case.

Passenger Aircraft Causing Excitement

Several residents have reportedly begun reacting enthusiastically whenever any aircraft appears above the town.

A passenger jet spotted in the distance on Tuesday morning attracted approximately 30 spectators.

One man pointed towards it.

"Here we go."

Nothing happened.

The aircraft continued flying in a straight line.

Nobody performed a barrel roll.

It eventually disappeared behind a cloud.

"Bit disappointing," the man admitted.

Typhoon Withdrawal Particularly Severe

Residents accustomed to the RAF Typhoon have reported the most serious symptoms.

During Airbourne, the aircraft announced its presence by generating enough noise to briefly rearrange several thousand internal organs.

Normal aircraft do not provide this service.

"I heard something earlier and ran outside," said one resident.

"Delivery van."

He returned indoors disappointed.

Another resident has been playing recordings of jet engines through his television.

His neighbours have asked him to stop.

Eastbourne Dads Struggling

The end of Airbourne has been particularly difficult for local fathers.

For four days, they possessed an important role.

They identified aircraft.

They explained manoeuvres.

They estimated speeds with absolutely no evidence whatsoever.

Now nobody needs them.

"I spent months building up this knowledge," said one father.

His daughter asked what aircraft had just flown overhead.

"EasyJet."

"What type?"

He became quiet.

"Orange one."

Seafront Returns To Normal

The beach has also undergone dramatic changes.

Folding chairs have disappeared.

Binoculars have vanished.

People are once again looking forwards rather than directly upwards.

Local dogs have welcomed the development.

Several are reportedly still suspicious whenever they hear distant rumbling.

Seagulls have also reclaimed the airspace.

Sally Squawks, The Seagull Times' specialist correspondent, described their return as "deeply concerning."

Emergency Mini-Airbourne Proposed

Some residents have proposed holding a smaller Airbourne every month.

The event would involve one aircraft flying past Eastbourne while somebody on the beach announces what it is.

Supporters believe this would help ease withdrawal symptoms.

January's display could potentially feature a helicopter.

February might involve "whatever's available."

Organisers have not endorsed the proposal.

Recovery Expected

Experts believe residents should gradually adjust to normal skies.

Within several weeks, most will once again be capable of hearing an aircraft without immediately running towards the nearest window.

Until then, residents are advised to remain patient.

At the time of publication, a small aircraft had appeared over Eastbourne.

Approximately twelve people were watching it.

One man confidently announced:

"That's military."

It wasn't.

Eastbourne is healing.