Eastbourne Family Arrives At Beach With £400 Of Equipment, Stays For 23 Minutes

By Jeanette Deckchair, Community & Lifestyle Correspondent

EASTBOURNE — An Eastbourne family spent approximately 45 minutes transporting £400 worth of equipment onto the beach before deciding to leave 23 minutes later.

The family arrived shortly after 11am carrying two folding chairs, a windbreak, picnic blanket, cool box, parasol, beach towels, several bags, children's toys and enough food to support a small military operation.

Father Graham Collins made three separate journeys from the car.

"This is going to be lovely," he announced.

Nobody would describe it that way again.

Camp Established

Setting up took approximately eighteen minutes.

The windbreak required two adults.

One chair wouldn't open.

The parasol repeatedly attempted to leave Eastbourne.

Eventually, the family established an impressive temporary settlement on the pebbles.

Sandwiches were unpacked.

Drinks distributed.

Shoes removed.

Graham finally sat down.

"We should do this more often."

Seven minutes later, his daughter spoke.

"I'm cold."

Graham ignored her.

Situation Deteriorates

A cloud passed in front of the sun.

His wife put on a cardigan.

One child asked to go home.

The other needed the toilet.

Graham pointed towards approximately £400 of equipment surrounding them.

"We've only just got here."

Nobody cared.

The youngest child then announced that sitting on pebbles was uncomfortable.

This revelation surprised nobody except the child.

Retreat Ordered

At 11.23am, the family officially abandoned the beach.

Packing everything away took longer than the actual visit.

The windbreak refused to fold.

One chair became jammed.

Nobody could remember which bag the towels originally fitted inside.

The cool box was significantly heavier despite containing less food.

Graham carried everything back to the car in silence.

Family Returns Home

By lunchtime, the entire family was home.

The expensive beach equipment was returned to the garage, where experts predict it will remain until next summer.

Graham's wife asked whether he'd enjoyed himself.

"Yeah."

She looked at him.

"Really?"

Graham paused.

"Would've been nice if we'd stayed a bit longer."

His daughter immediately shouted from upstairs:

"I WAS COLD."

The beach expedition was officially over.